I was thinking about Australia Day and what it means. Or, at the very least, MEANT. A day to celebrate being unique. Because there really is ( or was) no country like Aussie in the world. Find one, and I will eat my thongs and chuck a sickie and not turn up for work on the 25th while I get into practice mode for Australia Day on the 26th.
It is OUR day. Like America's 4th of July we have unashamedly gone full Aussie bogan one day of the year and we just have fun being, well, Australian.
I have looked through some of the Aussie stuff we have published over the years. So here it is, a bit of Aussie humour and a bit of a wake-up call to all the lefties. Don't destroy our Aussieness. You Canberra and city elites will never know when you will need a boy from the bush to sort the swines out.
Or worry that they might just go rogue....
A giant Kangaroo has been terrorising the residents of an isolated outback Australian Community and locals fear it is the first of a new super breed of Rogue Roos infected by a mutant strain of Covid-19.
The town, situated on the edge of Sturts Stony Desert in the arid South West of Queensland, had its first night of horror in December last year.The Local Police Officer, who has requested anonymity, said that he received a phone call at the station at 2 am on the morning of December 2nd.
"At first I thought it was one of the lads who'd had a few too many beers" he stated.
"But then I realised this guy was for real - he was genuinely scared."
The officer sped the 50 kilometres from his station along the track that led to the isolated barren homestead. What he saw will stay etched in his mind forever.
"The guy had deep scratches down his face and chest - he was bleeding profusely. His wife had managed to clean the wounds up and she had fired him full of antibiotics from the Flying Doctor Chest that each property has for emergencies."
The Officer heard that the couple had been awoken around midnight by the sound of the dogs howling and barking.
"I thought it was a dingo or a feral pig" said the farmer. "Those buggers often come in looking for a feed when we got a drought like this. They try for the pups or the young lambs."
He grabbed his shotgun and went out to "sort the swine out."
Instead, he saw a Kangaroo, standing taller than a man and in position for a fight.
It had ripped out the chest of one of the dogs and was starting on another.
Mrs X, the farmers wife, said that she stood in horror as she saw her husband race forward to get in range to shoot the rampaging roo.
"He raised the gun and fired - hitting it in the chest .Instead of going down, it turned on him and bounded forward ."
Bill, (not the farmers real name) crawled to safety under the truck that was parked nearby.
"I'd been meaning to fix that crate for months - thank goodness I didn't. If I hadn’t been able to crawl under the chassis, I reckon I'd be dead today."
The Roo bounced off in retreat, though from the trail of blood it was clearly wounded.
Locals mounted a search the following day and combed the mulga scrub for 50 km before losing the trail of blood.
Two weeks later, a property more than 20 km north of the first assault scene, the Roo reared its ugly head again.
The Police Officer confirmed that this had now become a regular occurrence and he had urged residents to lock up and not venture outside under any circumstances.
"We can't take this out of the local area" he explained. " The animal liberationists would be down on us like a ton of bricks if they heard we were hunting down a Roo like this."
A vigilante group of locals has been formed, and the area is patrolled every night by heavily armed 4 wheel drive vehicles.
Dulcie ( name changed to protect her identity) said she blamed it on Covid.
“ This Roo is infected with a mutant strain of the virus “ she suggested. “ I reckon it made it go batshit crazy – kind of like rabies.
I even heard its eyes have gone all squinty. ”
She continued “ That’s why people are buying dunny paper like there’s no tomorrow – we’ll run out of bandages and the only answer is to use loo paper for the wounds. “
The local Publican said that a vaccine was already available and he had it on tap at the local pub.
Meanwhile, while the whole town and surrounding area had been living in a state of fear and siege, there was some good news.
The local cop said the Roo was last seen heading to Canberra and locals were fundraising to ensure that it arrived safely.
The farmer, the first victim of the rampaging roo, said that maybe the killer kangaroo could "sort the swines in Canberra out. "
The local publican said that free vaccines would be available at the pub when they learn that the Roo had arrived and the government couldn't find a Holden to hide under.
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