Ireland's oldest woman turned 114 today. That's a lie by the way but it makes a good intro to the story. When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.
The 3 fella's, Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman were on a beach and come upon a beautiful mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman walks up and says, Blimey. Miss, have you ever been kissed? She says, no and he kisses her. She says that's lovely. The Scot says, hey lassie have ye ere have your breasts fondled? She says no! He feels her up & she says, that's lovely. It's Paddy's turn. He says to her, hey lady, have ye ever been screwed? She says, no! He says, well yer screwed now. The tide's gone out.
Honestly, police these days are hopeless, aren't they? A copper just knocked on my door saying he was looking for a man with one eye. I told him to use both, he would find him quicker.
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